"I almost.." - Liv Dawn

I almost…

Today, I almost just told the truth

To myself

Waiting as I do, wondering..

Wondering if I had almost scratched beneath…

Yet, had I almost…

Check

Check an item off.

A day well done

Satisfied, fulfilled; the day is done

Then a flicker, a slight glimmer.

A casual reminder of something not so casual at all

Was it a memory?

Or a reiteration of a disappointing day. year. years.

A moment or a thought I almost let through?

You find yourself spilling, tripping, tipping

there’s more and more until the almost is now here

Check

Now I can’t stop

Dribbling, trickling, cracking

Now I’m laughing

Mirthless, worthless

Panting, breathless.

Now there a tingling and a crumbling

Laughter to fury

Wondering how I was so unlucky

There’s no checks to score, no box to cross out

There’s no almost since I’m here

But no answers for your

Silence

Withdrawal

Cowardice

And games.

So almost is all I can see.

Don’t you ever wonder and look up to the sky

About that somewhere out there; you left me

Not unscathed but not getting by

I’m fine without you in my life

I’ve been fine all my life

Two lights picked me up from the sky

Found as more than enough

rather than almost

But never enough.

I almost…

I did have a great life

The best life

Without you by my side.

22 years is a long time.

How may more will it take for you to find you almost..

Yet I hope you never realize

How wrong you were

The almost’s would be to hard to bear

even you,

even you, I would hate to be so crushed by despair.

Your brittle soul couldn’t take it

Cracked and shattered beyond repair

The least you can do is stay where you are.

Repair the family tapestries tear;

But stay right there.

Without wondering about the almost, was, and has been.

I meant what I said.

I did have the best life,

A great life.

Without you by my side.

And so it will stay.

You with yours and I with mine.

I’ll meet your stars one day

But you will never see mine.

A Poem by L.V. Roy.