Please Pray.
Sometimes I dread these words.
Often what follows is ” All we can do is Pray.”
As a counselor; I understand change is not on my terms.
I understand there is more than meets the eye, more I don’t see, will never see.
In that, I accept the challenge of limitation.
As a daughter, sister, cousin, and granddaughter- these I cannot accept as readily.
I struggle to smile despite my own trajectory being upward, whilst those closest to me are drowning.
How can I still smile when two lives hang in the balance?
How can I still look forward to my own future; when two may not have one?
If Ignorance is solved by education; what solves fear?
Action? Faith?
To faith, I surely cling.
Yet, to faith those dreaded words bring- “Please pray. Its all we can do.”
I want to cry, to scream, to rage- why must we never catch a break?
Why must their always be something?
Why?
Why must I have a head full of brains, knowledge gained, knowledge to use- yet, nothing is useful?
It is truly so there are some things only God can do.
Dramatic?
I don’t think so.
I have learned these few months; a new sort of strength.
Partially, its ceasing to strive; wholly its leaning on God.
But, of one of the two most important people in my life; I can’t help them lean.
Convinced its easier to lean, without God to glean from.
Running, Running, Running…
Family patterns repeating?
I’m scared. More scared than I’ve ever been.
Will I have to live a life without them?
How far will they fall as they lean?
How hard will they fall?
I want nothing more, to catch you as you fall.
Convince you, its just like when we were kids.
Its okay. Everything will be okay.
I got you. I won’t give up on you. I love you. I will always love you no matter what.
Two little hearts inside a big one.
Don’t you remember, Little heart? I will protect you better this time.
Don’t run, little heart- Sissy will never give up on you.
So, don’t give up on me.
Don’t give up on you.
Don’t give up on God either.
I’m not giving up.
Never ever.
Don’t forget that little heart.
By L.V. Roy; To one of the two most important people I’ve had the pleasure to know their whole lives. Here is to until we are old and gray; You’ll make it.