“And Just Like That.”

Each year, less new to life, though still holding the hope of it all.

More tools I’ve gained, perhaps a heavier brain;

But never anticipating fully the pain.

Training to help, filled with skills, praised for acquisition, encouraged in exploration

Curiosity serves me well there and then.

Here and when, swing differently though.

All these skills, keen observations, helpful hints, layered feedback, heavy head full of brains-

All these do nothing here.

Reminded again, a kid again.

I hold no grudge, no protest falls

Embrace it

relieved to fill the blank with silence, solutions, boundless efforts, eagerness, willingness, a laugh.

Please just be comfortable.

Please leave uplifted, sadness drifted.

But,

Tears refuse to slip. Refuse to release.

What good are all these skills?

What good are keen observations?

Tell me please, are they helpful hints?

Do tell, is feedback wanted?

Or perhaps a heavy head full of brains to the rescue?

No.

No.

No.

And just like that.

Less new to life, still learning it’s not all black and white.

Frustrated, these brains are only good for me.

I can’t solve their life.

I can’t make them see,

Relieve their pain,

Lessen the grief,

Or even keep one alive.

Still seeking the hope of it all

But futility seems to knock everytime;

I return where I belong.

I can’t repair with cleverly used skills.

I can’t change a mind with keen observations.

I can’t offer helpful hints to fix a life.

Forget feedback.

Heavy brains ? Straight to the bin.

And Just like that.

I can only offer my heart.

I can only offer tenderness fueled by love.

Vulnerability wrapped in strength.

Protection in silence.

And Just like that.

I need Christ again.

I’m drowning holding all this space.

Suffocating, heart squeezing tossed as easily as signs in a dusky beach house.

How long can I hold my tongue?

How long can I keep you wrapped tight?

I can barely see, retreat to daydreams relieving the weight.

Who will protect me?

I’m still a child here.

Who will love me?

Whose heart will meet mine?

Are all my words meaningless?

Nothing but wind, expelled for the thousandth time again.

Remind me again.

Still learning it’s not all black and white.

Frustrating, these brains are only good for me.

I can’t solve their life.

I can’t make them see.

I can still seek the hope of it all

I can offer my heart.

I can offer tenderness fueled by love.

Vulnerability, I can give.

Wrap in strength, I can begin.

Protect in silence, I’ll hold your hand.

No fear in me, but tears may still brim.

I can offer Christ.

I can hold tight to the way and the light.

Don’t worry, I’ll remind you again,

Each time I come home.

A Poem By L.V. Roy

Authors Note: It is okay to not have the answers.